The Basics of Self-Love

*This is the welcome excerpt from my self-love class. It’s available on my website and is currently on sale!*

A major part of loving yourself is knowing yourself. There’s more to loving yourself than pampering yourself. Although that is a big part of it because it reminds you that you are worthy of being pampered and catered to. It reminds you of your value. It sets the standard for what you will expect from the men you entertain. You have to take care of yourself and be independent to avoid being dependent on a man or anyone else.

If you’ve followed me for even a short amount of time you know I highly stand behind what I call the relational trinity. The relational trinity is God, Self, Others. You have to love yourself before you can love and accept love from someone else. In its simplest form… in order to be a woman full of unconditional love, you must get your fill of love from God and from yourself before you seek to have a romantic relationship with a man. Why? Think about it like this: if you are starving for days, or you haven’t eaten for years… all you’ve lived off of is water… if you walk into a room and the table is set with food on top of food on top of food… what are you going to do?!? Devour everything in your sight until you’re sick and can’t hold anymore. If you walk into a room and the table has nothing but bread crumbs… what are you going to do?!? Devour every crumb and seek more.

It’s the same way with our relationships. We were created to desire relation and companionship. The problem is that we seek love, our worth, and our happiness in men instead of ourselves and God. If you seek to be filled by man alone not only are you making yourself dependent on him and giving him power over you to make you feel worthy and worthless, but you are also placing him in God’s place in your life.

The correct exchange of love and power is to allow God to love on you and show you that you’re worthy. That you deserve love and respect. That you are enough. That he values you. And then… you mimic your Creator, and you love on yourself. You show yourself that you’re worthy. That you deserve love and respect. That you are enough. That you value you. So, by the time you meet and begin to date a man… you’re loving yourself. Your confidence is in God and the God in you, and you are setting the standard that that man must meet and follow to be in your life.

If you go to man with God sized expectations you will always be disappointed.

To avoid being disappointed, and placing a weight on a man that he simply cannot carry, grow in love with God and with yourself before you seek to love and be loved by a man.

When you love yourself, you attract men into your life that will love and value you. And if you meet men who can’t… you won’t be so hungry for love and attention that you settle for his crumbs. You will be able to let him go because you love yourself!!! Is it sinking in now?? This is why self-love is so important. It’s important because it fills you, and it sets the standard for how those around you need to treat you.

Not only do you need to practice self-love for the sake of your romantic relationships, but you also need to practice self-love for your family, personal, and business relationships as well. As women, we nurture. Naturally. We’re built to be givers. Givers of ourselves and our time. We spend our days taking care of others. Family. Husbands. Kids. Our bosses. Coworkers on our jobs. We give our time to the community. To church. We are being pulled on so many different sides! And if you are giving and giving and giving and you’re not pouring back into yourself you’re going to be empty! If you’re not full of love, happiness, peace, patience, grace, and mercy… you can’t pour that into the lives of others.

In order for you to have a positive impact on anyone, you have to be filled. That love that you give must come from the overflow that is within you. Otherwise, you will end up giving all that you have and you will end up drained and empty.

I’ve gotten so off topic lol.

Okay… the biggest part of loving yourself is knowing yourself. Knowing yourself and having knowledge and wisdom period. You have to know yourself to love yourself. You have to know your authentic, true self to attract authentic and true people into your life. Have you heard that old saying… when you know better you do better? Being knowledgeable and wise is a part of loving yourself because this journey of life is definitely a test! And if you aren’t prepared it can be more draining and unfulfilling than it has to be.

Our days are long, but our time here is really short. Spend it fulfilling your passion and your purpose. Spend it learning and growing and helping and serving. And you can’t do any of these things without knowledge of self and your purpose.

And the last big part of loving yourself is making sure that you are not just loving yourself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually… but physically (by eating healthy and balanced meals and exercising) and financially as well! If all goes well on this course I may dig deeper into this part of loving yourself… we’ll see!

Basically, self-love is about becoming whole. Wholeness revolves around being healthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. Self-love is about maturity. Self-love is about awareness. Being aware of who you are, what you have to offer, what you have to give, what you need in return. Self- love is about knowing your worth. And once you know your worth, loving yourself allows you to place a value on yourself that everyone else must follow.

If you are your authentic self, and you know your value… you know what you bring to the table. When you sit at the table of life and love, you’re not starving for validation and love because you’ve already had your fill. You can graciously accept what a man who is WHOLE and MATURE in his own right has to offer you. You can attract someone who loves God, himself, and has the knowledge and desire to love you! You are a Queen, and only Queens attract Kings. Queens hold their heads high to make sure their crowns NEVER fall! NEVER take your crown off and come down from your throne for the sake of love or a man.

If you’re single, sit gracefully at your table alone… getting your fill from God and yourself… and wait for your King to come and recrown you!!!

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