Listen, I’ve studied the first three chapters of the Bible enough to know that it’s SO easy for us to operate in a state of blame. A lot of us don’t even realize we’re operating in self-sabotage because we spend so much time playing the victim and blaming others for the things in our lives that we aren’t pleased with.
Okay, it might be too early in the morning for this kind of truth. Let me soften this message by speaking personally.
For the past few weeks I’ve been working on quite a few projects. It’s like, I haven’t been able to focus fully on one thing because I’ve had so many other things running around in my mind. Writing for my publisher, myself, other authors… publishing my authors and providing services for other authors… getting my subscription box books done, plus a journal, plus a masterclass… on top of trying to maintain a balanced personal life while preparing for a book event and wedding.
Honey, I’ve been mofo tied. Not tired. Tied. Like, all day every day.
It got to the point where I was picking and blaming. Picking what I would choose to give my attention to and what I would allow to suffer, and blaming other things and people when things didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to. My work ethic began to lessen, although the quality of my work didn’t, the page counts and consistency of my releases did, which meant my checks were smaller, which meant mama had an attitude come every payday! That attitude would carry on into the next month, giving me even less of a desire to put forth the effort I usually did. For months, I faked the funk.
Promoting books I didn’t want to.
Taking gigs for other authors that I didn’t want to.
Doing things for my authors that I didn’t want to.
Presenting myself to my readers on social media as the complete opposite of who I truly was in that moment.
And don’t even get me started on how I acted in my personal life with family and my fiancé. Any little thing could cause me to spazz. I was literally a ticking time bomb.
Then it happened. One day, that bomb exploded. I went OFF, honey. Clean off. In a way that was unnecessary because of the problem but necessary because I needed that release. Once I finally let it all out, I cried for hours. Hours. I was so empty, so tired of blaming and complaining without changing. I realized, something had to give. After that, I began to take inventory of my life, starting with how I started every day and what I filled my days with. It was then that I noticed… I hadn’t been practicing what I teach.
Here I am, the Love teacher. The self-love sage. I’m telling everyone to do this and do that, and I’m not even taking care of my own mental health. I’m not even practicing self-care. I realized that had to change – immediately.
The first and most important thing that I had to do was stop blaming the world for the state I was in. WE are responsible for our lives. WE are the sum of our choices. And you know what? Our money is too. I couldn’t be mad because of the shift the ebook world had taken. Couldn’t be mad because I felt forced to conform to maintain a place on the charts. Couldn’t be mad because my checks were smaller if I wasn’t releasing long, consistent books like I used to. Couldn’t be mad because readers that I’ve been catering to prefer drama and ratchet entertainment over old fashioned love stories. All I could do was change what I could control and find peace with the things I couldn’t.
Do you hear me?
All I could do was change what I could control and find peace with the things I couldn’t.
So, when I realized that, I began to do inventory. What was I in control of and what wasn’t I in control of? That was the first step. After that, I began to remove things from my life that were overwhelming me and not giving me as much in return. Not refilling me after I’d emptied myself for it. As an example, I changed the format of my subscription box. That was so heartbreaking to do, but it was one of the ways that I had to practice self-care. It’s so much easier for me to teach one class for an hour or so a month instead of spending hours writing three books, making covers, ordering the books, then shipping them out.
Once I had my inventory complete, I used what I consider to be the 12 layers of self-love to make sure I was taking care of myself DAILY. I had gotten so caught up in helping others and securing wealth that I neglected the greatest wealth of all – mental, emotional, physical and spiritual prosperity. Every morning, instead of getting up and completing my self-care ritual I would get onto my computer and spend hours working for my authors and other authors. Then I would work. Then I would tend to my fiancé, run errands, and do things for my family. Then I would work. Then I would sleep. Not rest, but sleep. Because I was giving so much of myself away without taking the time to refill, I was running low on love, energy, happiness, peace, care, and security.
Now, I’ve limited myself to only writing for myself and helping the authors on my publishing company. My subscription box has become a monthly class subscription with digital content. Most importantly, I now take the time to feed myself before I give so much of me away to others by following my morning and nightly rituals. I have a set time for work, and no work is completed until I’ve done my spiritual work. I’ve changed the layout of my books and releasing… but readers will see that change very soon 🙂
I guess I’m just trying to say… take care of yourself, beloved. You only have one life, and you are the one that deals with the consequences/rewards of the choices you make. We have to start taking the time to rest and refill ourselves before we burn out and reach a state that we are unable to or even desire to come back from. If you’re unhappy with things in your life, hold only yourself accountable and maintain the personal power it takes to change YOUR life. Stop playing the victim and blaming others. Create the life YOU want to live.
What’s the life that I want to live? Well, I want to write for a traditional publishing company in 2019 releasing quality contemporary romance on a consistent basis. I want to touch millions of women with my love teaching. I want to have hundreds of authors under my publishing company. Above all, I want my personal life to flourish. Healthy marriage, healthy children, healthy relationships with God and everyone in my family. What keys did I use to make an actionable plan to achieve this?
I practiced self-love. No, really. I practiced self-love. See, there’s more to self-love than just loving yourself. There’s self-awareness, accountability, respect, pleasure, and SO much more. By incorporating all of these things, I was able to get to know myself, hold myself accountable, show myself respect through boundaries, make sure I take the time to rest and have fun… and so on. How content will you be with life if you don’t know who you are and how you want to live it? Sure, practicing self-love isn’t the answer to every problem BUT the stronger your sense of self the less susceptible you are to BS that doesn’t benefit you, your purpose, and the life you want to live.
99.99999% of the time, the self-love or relationship materials I create are things that I need in that moment. I’m not the type of content creator that produces ONLY what my audience requests mainly because I believe authenticity attracts authenticity and there are people struggling with the exact same things I am. When I randomly had the idea to do “Bloom: The 12 layers of self-love journal” it was because I needed it, and you know what? A lot of other women needed it too.
The journal covers:
The journal includes daily rituals, affirmations, meditation, activities and journaling prompts.
You can preorder the journal here for a discount. There’s also a bundle package that will allow you to sign up for the Masterclass I’m having at the end of the month. During the class, I will go into great detail about each layer. At the end of the class, and this is what I’m most excited about, I will be offering one on one coaching. During these calls, we’ll talk about your needs and how you can strengthen whatever layer you’re struggling with. Since I’m working on being consistent with my self-care, I will only do one on one coaching one day out of the week. The women that attend the masterclass will have first dibs on my calendar. Eeeeee I’m so excited!!!!
Okay, I’m done now. This post ended up being way longer than I intended but I had to get this out. Take care of yourself, beloved.
Until next time,