Hi, my name is B. Love, and I am a recovering undercover over lover. If you’ve never heard Erykah Badu’s “Out my mind, just in time,” here’s the link to listen to it on YouTube. Basically, the message is about being a fool for a man and doing whatever for him. It’s about recovering from love.
When I first heard the song, I would play it on repeat, feeling peace in knowing that I wasn’t alone. Feeling peace in knowing that I wasn’t the only woman who’d done everything for a love that was unable to be sustained. Feeling peace in knowing that I wasn’t the only woman who wasn’t being satisfied by love.
Now that I’ve gotten over that hump of being so desperate for love that I would settle for crumbs from a man’s table instead of waiting for the love feast that I deserve, I’m able to see clearly what my problem had always been.
It’s never been wanting love that’s been the problem. Wanting to be in a loving relationship is never a problem. My problem has been seeking love/happiness/peace/validation/fulfillment and insert here ____ whatever else we seek on a daily basis to feel okay with ourselves from the wrong sources. We ALL have needs and holes in our hearts. There’s a hole for the love of our parents, our children, our families, our friends, our spouses, our passions, our purpose, ourselves, our God… do you get the point?
The holes are normal. Okay. Capable of being filled. But, sometimes, we don’t know what hole needs to be filled, so we go to the wrong source trying to be satisfied. Anytime you go to the wrong source, your hole may be temporarily covered, but it will NOT be filled. It’s like… trying to fit a square into a circle, babe. Just won’t fit.
Let me give you an example: If I need more self-love but I try to be loved by a man, I will not be filled. Not in the capacity that I need. It will not matter how well he loves me; I will not be satisfied. He’ll feel like a failure more than likely, and I will probably resent him.
If I need to feel fulfilled within my purpose, but I devote my time to my job, I will eventually grow tired of my job. It will cause me to feel empty and as if it is no longer enough – when it was never an issue to begin with.
You catching my drift?
This is also why it may be hard for us to understand why people make things a priority in the way they do. Or why they value things more than we do. It’s all a matter of that need, what level of priority it is for them in that moment, and how full or empty we are.
I’m in the process of teaching anyone who will listen about self-love. A part of teaching about self-love is teaching about the layers of self-love. The foundation and first layer of self-love is self-awareness. Tomorrow, I will do a blog post on it. In the meantime, why don’t you get to know yourself a little by seeing if you’re connected to your love sources. Are you aware of your needs, and if you are, are you properly getting your fill?
If you’re interested in learning about the layers of self-love, I have a journal coming out next month that briefly covers all 12. It gives activities, affirmations, and a few other goodies. Here’s the link to check it out.
If you want to go even deeper, I’m doing a subscription box that will have three different books in it a month. One book will be on divine love, self-love, and relational love. All of the self-love books will revolve around a different layer of self-love. Here’s the link to check it out.
Will you meet me back here tomorrow?