Even now, I’m sitting here, sharp pains running through my stomach, feeling as if I’m sitting on a fibroid the size of an orange.
Boy. I’m getting to a place where I blog only when I have something to say. No matter how consistent I try to be, I just can’t force myself to write when there’s nothing within me. That has always bothered me. Now, I don’t care. I’m accepting the way my mind works and flowing with it – no matter how inconsistent it may be.
So, I have this schedule. Usually, I wash and go out on Fridays, clean on Saturdays, and cook and rest on Sundays. The only time that changes is when I go out with my fiancé or family or when I’m running behind on a project. I work such long hours throughout the week that I try to do the bare minimum as far as work is concerned, but sometimes working on the weekends is unavoidable.
Wednesday, I knew I was going to spend the weekend working. It was my release day, and about a little over a week before I would have to leave Memphis for an event. An event that would have me away from my home office for about four days straight, and that’s not including the days beforehand that I would have to prepare for the event. So yea, I was fully aware of how important it was for me to work this weekend.
My plan was to develop the characters for and outline my next novel Friday and write my a** off Saturday and Sunday. By Monday night, I wanted to type THE END. Tuesday and Wednesday I’d be editing. Thursday I would be sending it to proofreaders and starting promo.
Friday I got ONE character developed before I spent the night trying to sleep through pain. Saturday I alternated between cooking, cleaning, and laying down when my body forced me to shut down. I woke up every hour on the hour, sweating and cramping until about 7 this morning – Sunday morning.
So far, I’ve been up for about two hours, and I’ve already calculated royalties, gotten my price list together for the event, sent out an outline for one author and affirmations for the rest. Now, I’m blogging before I start doing what’s on my actual to do list for the day *Face palm*, lol.
If you’ve followed me for a while, you may have heard me mention my heart condition or fibroids before. Both are triggered by stress, which is why I try my hardest not to stress. My fibroids are what give me the biggest headache these days. It’s the reason my body has been forced into a fetal position on the edge of my bed for the entire weekend almost. Even now, I’m sitting here, sharp pains running through my stomach, feeling as if I’m sitting on a fibroid the size of an orange. To put it mildly, the pain can be numbingly excruciating, and my fibroids aren’t even as big as ones other women I know struggle with.
My prayers go out to the women who struggle with them as I do. It’s a struggle that a lot of us have in silence, sometimes out of fear of being judged by other women. They don’t know how sharp the pains can be, unless they’ve experienced childbirth. They don’t know that… one of these babies dying can lead to ruptured ovarian cysts that cause internal bleeding and have you on bed rest for days. Why, I once overheard a woman talking about another’s fibroids as if they were nothing. “We all cramp when we bleed,” is what she used to downplay it – as if she could even fathom the constant pain these benign tumors can produce on a CONSTANT basis. Lord, I’m getting worked up just thinking about her ignorance.
Anyway, my mind and body have been at war since Friday. It started because I pushed work off to have a little fun, and when I was ready to start working the pain started. Ever since, guilt has been plaguing me.
If only I would have worked instead of played…
That war went on until last night. I saw a post that was shared regarding a woman whose identity I would have never been made aware of had she not left her body to dwell as a spirit for eternity. Her name is Kyrzayda. She was a fashion blogger who recently lost her fight against cancer. The post was a quote that she shared a few days before passing. Basically, she named off the material possessions she had that couldn’t do anything for her. Money that couldn’t do anything for her. Her position – being confined to a twin sized hospital bed – was used as an example for us all. It’s not money and material things that matter most. It’s love. Love of life and love of people. Enjoying the ones you love.
Don’t get me wrong, money is a necessity. It’s what allows us to take care of our wants and needs. And it’s perfectly okay to have nice things. But, those things shouldn’t be what matter to us most. We shouldn’t focus so much on money, work, status, and waiting to enjoy life that we miss out on it. When I read that post, I shared it and was done for the day. It reminded me that work, although important, sometimes has to be put off to the side.
We have one body. One life.
We cannot run our bodies ragged while we put off truly living and enjoying life. Existing on a daily basis just for the sake of working and stacking money that we can’t take with us when we leave. We aren’t even guaranteed the future we think we’ll have to spend and enjoy that money and our time.
A couple of weeks ago, I read on Twitter that a 26 year old woman had a stroke caused by stress.
Two years younger than me.
Am I saying quit your job or slack off? Absolutely not. What I’m saying is, honor your body. Maintain optimum physical and mental health. It’s not cool to be so much of a hustler that you fail to eat and sleep because you’re working for days on end. It’s not cool to push yourself until your body forces you to shut down. I’ve been in that position one too many times before, and I’m finally taking heed to the warnings and starting to listen to my body. Will I still write and publish? Yes, but not to the extent of neglecting self-care.
No amount of money is worth my health. Period.
Because self-love and care are my specialties, I’m going to share with you a few mental health tips. Admittedly, I’m still working on eating better and exercising, so I won’t be a hypocrite and tell you to do the things I’m still struggling with. Hey, we can work on them together, lol.
- Lessen mental blockage/stress by writing things down. If you haven’t become aware of the positive effects of journaling, google it. Honestly, every time I create and sell a journal it’s because it’s what I need in that moment. All of my journals are available here. You don’t have to write a lot, just take 5 minutes or so to write down your ideas, thoughts, feelings, worries. Putting them on paper frees up space in your mind.
- Have morning and nightly rituals. Morning rituals help you start your day in control of your day and emotions. It sets you up to be more productive and in turn more successful. Nightly rituals help you wind down and release the day before bed. It helps you relax and be at peace before going to sleep. I share my rituals in my journal, “Bloom: The 12 Layers of self-love” and it is available here on my website as well.
- Start looking for something positive in negative/stressful situations. Counter negative thoughts with positive ones. Don’t focus on the bad, honor the good in you. Show yourself constant compassion. For instance, instead of me stressing over not getting much work done this weekend, I honor myself for choosing to honor my body.
- Spend time in nature. Go for walks. Sit outside in the sun for a few minutes (with sunscreen of course.) There’s something about nature that disconnects us from our thoughts. I can’t explain the science behind it, but you can look it up if you want. Anytime I’m upset, I go out to the pool and sit for a while. Within minutes, my mind is clear and I am relaxed. If you get stressed at work or somewhere that won’t allow you to go for a walk outside, try walking around the hallway – moving physically to get your thoughts circulating as well.
- Have a self-care kit/ritual/mechanism/affirmation… whatever. Have something that IMMEDIATELY helps ease your mind, calm your nerves, and put you first. It can be a song, a ritual, an activity, an affirmation, whatever it is… it should be something that centers you and is easily accessible that will change your mood instantly.
Well, that’s it for me. Please, beloved, take care of yourself. Yes, a lot of my self-love and care books/classes cost, but that’s MY way of practicing self-care and respect. It’s my way of honoring my time and valuing what I put out into the world. Value yourself enough to invest in you. Read some books, take some classes, whatever it takes. And it doesn’t even have to be from me. I have TONS of blog posts right on this website that you can access for free.
Honor your body.
Honor your mind.
Honor your time.
Honor your life.
Until next time, love B.