Self-Love Sunday – Honor thy body

Even now, I’m sitting here, sharp pains running through my stomach, feeling as if I’m sitting on a fibroid the size of an orange.

Happy Sunday!

Boy. I’m getting to a place where I blog only when I have something to say. No matter how consistent I try to be, I just can’t force myself to write when there’s nothing within me. That has always bothered me. Now, I don’t care. I’m accepting the way my mind works and flowing with it – no matter how inconsistent it may be.

So, I have this schedule. Usually, I wash and go out on Fridays, clean on Saturdays, and cook and rest on Sundays. The only time that changes is when I go out with my fiancé or family or when I’m running behind on a project. I work such long hours throughout the week that I try to do the bare minimum as far as work is concerned, but sometimes working on the weekends is unavoidable.

Wednesday, I knew I was going to spend the weekend working. It was my release day, and about a little over a week before I would have to leave Memphis for an event. An event that would have me away from my home office for about four days straight, and that’s not including the days beforehand that I would have to prepare for the event. So yea, I was fully aware of how important it was for me to work this weekend.

My plan was to develop the characters for and outline my next novel Friday and write my a** off Saturday and Sunday. By Monday night, I wanted to type THE END. Tuesday and Wednesday I’d be editing. Thursday I would be sending it to proofreaders and starting promo.

Honey.

Friday I got ONE character developed before I spent the night trying to sleep through pain. Saturday I alternated between cooking, cleaning, and laying down when my body forced me to shut down. I woke up every hour on the hour, sweating and cramping until about 7 this morning – Sunday morning.

So far, I’ve been up for about two hours, and I’ve already calculated royalties, gotten my price list together for the event, sent out an outline for one author and affirmations for the rest. Now, I’m blogging before I start doing what’s on my actual to do list for the day *Face palm*, lol.

If you’ve followed me for a while, you may have heard me mention my heart condition or fibroids before. Both are triggered by stress, which is why I try my hardest not to stress. My fibroids are what give me the biggest headache these days. It’s the reason my body has been forced into a fetal position on the edge of my bed for the entire weekend almost. Even now, I’m sitting here, sharp pains running through my stomach, feeling as if I’m sitting on a fibroid the size of an orange. To put it mildly, the pain can be numbingly excruciating, and my fibroids aren’t even as big as ones other women I know struggle with.

My prayers go out to the women who struggle with them as I do. It’s a struggle that a lot of us have in silence, sometimes out of fear of being judged by other women. They don’t know how sharp the pains can be, unless they’ve experienced childbirth. They don’t know that… one of these babies dying can lead to ruptured ovarian cysts that cause internal bleeding and have you on bed rest for days. Why, I once overheard a woman talking about another’s fibroids as if they were nothing. “We all cramp when we bleed,” is what she used to downplay it – as if she could even fathom the constant pain these benign tumors can produce on a CONSTANT basis. Lord, I’m getting worked up just thinking about her ignorance.

Anyway, my mind and body have been at war since Friday. It started because I pushed work off to have a little fun, and when I was ready to start working the pain started. Ever since, guilt has been plaguing me. If only I would have worked instead of played… 

That war went on until last night. I saw a post that was shared regarding a woman whose identity I would have never been made aware of had she not left her body to dwell as a spirit for eternity. Her name is Kyrzayda. She was a fashion blogger who recently lost her fight against cancer. The post was a quote that she shared a few days before passing. Basically, she named off the material possessions she had that couldn’t do anything for her. Money that couldn’t do anything for her. Her position – being confined to a twin sized hospital bed – was used as an example for us all. It’s not money and material things that matter most. It’s love. Love of life and love of people. Enjoying the ones you love.

Don’t get me wrong, money is a necessity. It’s what allows us to take care of our wants and needs. And it’s perfectly okay to have nice things. But, those things shouldn’t be what matter to us most. We shouldn’t focus so much on money, work, status, and waiting to enjoy life that we miss out on it. When I read that post, I shared it and was done for the day. It reminded me that work, although important, sometimes has to be put off to the side.

We have one body. One life.

We cannot run our bodies ragged while we put off truly living and enjoying life. Existing on a daily basis just for the sake of working and stacking money that we can’t take with us when we leave. We aren’t even guaranteed the future we think we’ll have to spend and enjoy that money and our time.

A couple of weeks ago, I read on Twitter that a 26 year old woman had a stroke caused by stress.

26.

Two years younger than me.

Am I saying quit your job or slack off? Absolutely not. What I’m saying is, honor your body. Maintain optimum physical and mental health. It’s not cool to be so much of a hustler that you fail to eat and sleep because you’re working for days on end. It’s not cool to push yourself until your body forces you to shut down. I’ve been in that position one too many times before, and I’m finally taking heed to the warnings and starting to listen to my body. Will I still write and publish? Yes, but not to the extent of neglecting self-care.

No amount of money is worth my health. Period.

Because self-love and care are my specialties, I’m going to share with you a few mental health tips. Admittedly, I’m still working on eating better and exercising, so I won’t be a hypocrite and tell you to do the things I’m still struggling with. Hey, we can work on them together, lol.

Tips

  1. Lessen mental blockage/stress by writing things down. If you haven’t become aware of the positive effects of journaling, google it. Honestly, every time I create and sell a journal it’s because it’s what I need in that moment. All of my journals are available here. You don’t have to write a lot, just take 5 minutes or so to write down your ideas, thoughts, feelings, worries. Putting them on paper frees up space in your mind.
  2. Have morning and nightly rituals. Morning rituals help you start your day in control of your day and emotions. It sets you up to be more productive and in turn more successful. Nightly rituals help you wind down and release the day before bed. It helps you relax and be at peace before going to sleep. I share my rituals in my journal, “Bloom: The 12 Layers of self-love” and it is available here on my website as well.
  3. Start looking for something positive in negative/stressful situations. Counter negative thoughts with positive ones. Don’t focus on the bad, honor the good in you. Show yourself constant compassion. For instance, instead of me stressing over not getting much work done this weekend, I honor myself for choosing to honor my body.
  4. Spend time in nature. Go for walks. Sit outside in the sun for a few minutes (with sunscreen of course.) There’s something about nature that disconnects us from our thoughts. I can’t explain the science behind it, but you can look it up if you want. Anytime I’m upset, I go out to the pool and sit for a while. Within minutes, my mind is clear and I am relaxed. If you get stressed at work or somewhere that won’t allow you to go for a walk outside, try walking around the hallway – moving physically to get your thoughts circulating as well.
  5. Have a self-care kit/ritual/mechanism/affirmation… whatever. Have something that IMMEDIATELY helps ease your mind, calm your nerves, and put you first. It can be a song, a ritual, an activity, an affirmation, whatever it is… it should be something that centers you and is easily accessible that will change your mood instantly.

Well, that’s it for me. Please, beloved, take care of yourself. Yes, a lot of my self-love and care books/classes cost, but that’s MY way of practicing self-care and respect. It’s my way of honoring my time and valuing what I put out into the world. Value yourself enough to invest in you. Read some books, take some classes, whatever it takes. And it doesn’t even have to be from me. I have TONS of blog posts right on this website that you can access for free.

Honor your body.

Honor your mind.

Honor your time.

Honor your life.

Until next time, love B.

 

The Basics of Self-Love

*This is the welcome excerpt from my self-love class. It’s available on my website and is currently on sale!*

A major part of loving yourself is knowing yourself. There’s more to loving yourself than pampering yourself. Although that is a big part of it because it reminds you that you are worthy of being pampered and catered to. It reminds you of your value. It sets the standard for what you will expect from the men you entertain. You have to take care of yourself and be independent to avoid being dependent on a man or anyone else.

If you’ve followed me for even a short amount of time you know I highly stand behind what I call the relational trinity. The relational trinity is God, Self, Others. You have to love yourself before you can love and accept love from someone else. In its simplest form… in order to be a woman full of unconditional love, you must get your fill of love from God and from yourself before you seek to have a romantic relationship with a man. Why? Think about it like this: if you are starving for days, or you haven’t eaten for years… all you’ve lived off of is water… if you walk into a room and the table is set with food on top of food on top of food… what are you going to do?!? Devour everything in your sight until you’re sick and can’t hold anymore. If you walk into a room and the table has nothing but bread crumbs… what are you going to do?!? Devour every crumb and seek more.

It’s the same way with our relationships. We were created to desire relation and companionship. The problem is that we seek love, our worth, and our happiness in men instead of ourselves and God. If you seek to be filled by man alone not only are you making yourself dependent on him and giving him power over you to make you feel worthy and worthless, but you are also placing him in God’s place in your life.

The correct exchange of love and power is to allow God to love on you and show you that you’re worthy. That you deserve love and respect. That you are enough. That he values you. And then… you mimic your Creator, and you love on yourself. You show yourself that you’re worthy. That you deserve love and respect. That you are enough. That you value you. So, by the time you meet and begin to date a man… you’re loving yourself. Your confidence is in God and the God in you, and you are setting the standard that that man must meet and follow to be in your life.

If you go to man with God sized expectations you will always be disappointed.

To avoid being disappointed, and placing a weight on a man that he simply cannot carry, grow in love with God and with yourself before you seek to love and be loved by a man.

When you love yourself, you attract men into your life that will love and value you. And if you meet men who can’t… you won’t be so hungry for love and attention that you settle for his crumbs. You will be able to let him go because you love yourself!!! Is it sinking in now?? This is why self-love is so important. It’s important because it fills you, and it sets the standard for how those around you need to treat you.

Not only do you need to practice self-love for the sake of your romantic relationships, but you also need to practice self-love for your family, personal, and business relationships as well. As women, we nurture. Naturally. We’re built to be givers. Givers of ourselves and our time. We spend our days taking care of others. Family. Husbands. Kids. Our bosses. Coworkers on our jobs. We give our time to the community. To church. We are being pulled on so many different sides! And if you are giving and giving and giving and you’re not pouring back into yourself you’re going to be empty! If you’re not full of love, happiness, peace, patience, grace, and mercy… you can’t pour that into the lives of others.

In order for you to have a positive impact on anyone, you have to be filled. That love that you give must come from the overflow that is within you. Otherwise, you will end up giving all that you have and you will end up drained and empty.

I’ve gotten so off topic lol.

Okay… the biggest part of loving yourself is knowing yourself. Knowing yourself and having knowledge and wisdom period. You have to know yourself to love yourself. You have to know your authentic, true self to attract authentic and true people into your life. Have you heard that old saying… when you know better you do better? Being knowledgeable and wise is a part of loving yourself because this journey of life is definitely a test! And if you aren’t prepared it can be more draining and unfulfilling than it has to be.

Our days are long, but our time here is really short. Spend it fulfilling your passion and your purpose. Spend it learning and growing and helping and serving. And you can’t do any of these things without knowledge of self and your purpose.

And the last big part of loving yourself is making sure that you are not just loving yourself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually… but physically (by eating healthy and balanced meals and exercising) and financially as well! If all goes well on this course I may dig deeper into this part of loving yourself… we’ll see!

Basically, self-love is about becoming whole. Wholeness revolves around being healthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. Self-love is about maturity. Self-love is about awareness. Being aware of who you are, what you have to offer, what you have to give, what you need in return. Self- love is about knowing your worth. And once you know your worth, loving yourself allows you to place a value on yourself that everyone else must follow.

If you are your authentic self, and you know your value… you know what you bring to the table. When you sit at the table of life and love, you’re not starving for validation and love because you’ve already had your fill. You can graciously accept what a man who is WHOLE and MATURE in his own right has to offer you. You can attract someone who loves God, himself, and has the knowledge and desire to love you! You are a Queen, and only Queens attract Kings. Queens hold their heads high to make sure their crowns NEVER fall! NEVER take your crown off and come down from your throne for the sake of love or a man.

If you’re single, sit gracefully at your table alone… getting your fill from God and yourself… and wait for your King to come and recrown you!!!

Accountability.

Morning motivation 
with b. Love

Listen, I’ve studied the first three chapters of the Bible enough to know that it’s SO easy for us to operate in a state of blame. A lot of us don’t even realize we’re operating in self-sabotage because we spend so much time playing the victim and blaming others for the things in our lives that we aren’t pleased with.

Okay, it might be too early in the morning for this kind of truth. Let me soften this message by speaking personally.

For the past few weeks I’ve been working on quite a few projects. It’s like, I haven’t been able to focus fully on one thing because I’ve had so many other things running around in my mind. Writing for my publisher, myself, other authors… publishing my authors and providing services for other authors… getting my subscription box books done, plus a journal, plus a masterclass… on top of trying to maintain a balanced personal life while preparing for a book event and wedding.

Honey, I’ve been mofo tied. Not tired. Tied. Like, all day every day.

It got to the point where I was picking and blaming. Picking what I would choose to give my attention to and what I would allow to suffer, and blaming other things and people when things didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to. My work ethic began to lessen, although the quality of my work didn’t, the page counts and consistency of my releases did, which meant my checks were smaller, which meant mama had an attitude come every payday! That attitude would carry on into the next month, giving me even less of a desire to put forth the effort I usually did. For months, I faked the funk.

Promoting books I didn’t want to.

Taking gigs for other authors that I didn’t want to.

Doing things for my authors that I didn’t want to.

Presenting myself to my readers on social media as the complete opposite of who I truly was in that moment.

And don’t even get me started on how I acted in my personal life with family and my fiancé. Any little thing could cause me to spazz. I was literally a ticking time bomb.

Then it happened. One day, that bomb exploded. I went OFF, honey. Clean off. In a way that was unnecessary because of the problem but necessary because I needed that release. Once I finally let it all out, I cried for hours. Hours. I was so empty, so tired of blaming and complaining without changing. I realized, something had to give. After that, I began to take inventory of my life, starting with how I started every day and what I filled my days with. It was then that I noticed… I hadn’t been practicing what I teach.

Here I am, the Love teacher. The self-love sage. I’m telling everyone to do this and do that, and I’m not even taking care of my own mental health. I’m not even practicing self-care. I realized that had to change – immediately.

The first and most important thing that I had to do was stop blaming the world for the state I was in. WE are responsible for our lives. WE are the sum of our choices. And you know what? Our money is too. I couldn’t be mad because of the shift the ebook world had taken. Couldn’t be mad because I felt forced to conform to maintain a place on the charts. Couldn’t be mad because my checks were smaller if I wasn’t releasing long, consistent books like I used to. Couldn’t be mad because readers that I’ve been catering to prefer drama and ratchet entertainment over old fashioned love stories. All I could do was change what I could control and find peace with the things I couldn’t.

Do you hear me?

All  I could do was change what I could control and find peace with the things I couldn’t.

So, when I realized that, I began to do inventory. What was I in control of and what wasn’t I in control of? That was the first step. After that, I began to remove things from my life that were overwhelming me and not giving me as much in return. Not refilling me after I’d emptied myself for it. As an example, I changed the format of my subscription box. That was so heartbreaking to do, but it was one of the ways that I had to practice self-care. It’s so much easier for me to teach one class for an hour or so a month instead of spending hours writing three books, making covers, ordering the books, then shipping them out.

Once I had my inventory complete, I used what I consider to be the 12 layers of self-love to make sure I was taking care of myself DAILY. I had gotten so caught up in helping others and securing wealth that I neglected the greatest wealth of all – mental, emotional, physical and spiritual prosperity. Every morning, instead of getting up and completing my self-care ritual I would get onto my computer and spend hours working for my authors and other authors. Then I would work. Then I would tend to my fiancé, run errands, and do things for my family. Then I would work. Then I would sleep. Not rest, but sleep. Because I was giving so much of myself away without taking the time to refill, I was running low on love, energy, happiness, peace, care, and security.

Now, I’ve limited myself to only writing for myself and helping the authors on my publishing company. My subscription box has become a monthly class subscription with digital content. Most importantly, I now take the time to feed myself before I give so much of me away to others by following my morning and nightly rituals. I have a set time for work, and no work is completed until I’ve done my spiritual work. I’ve changed the layout of my books and releasing… but readers will see that change very soon 🙂

I guess I’m just trying to say… take care of yourself, beloved. You only have one life, and you are the one that deals with the consequences/rewards of the choices you make. We have to start taking the time to rest and refill ourselves before we burn out and reach a state that we are unable to or even desire to come back from. If you’re unhappy with things in your life, hold only yourself accountable and maintain the personal power it takes to change YOUR life. Stop playing the victim and blaming others. Create the life YOU want to live.

What’s the life that I want to live? Well, I want to write for a traditional publishing company in 2019 releasing quality contemporary romance on a consistent basis. I want to touch millions of women with my love teaching. I want to have hundreds of authors under my publishing company. Above all, I want my personal life to flourish. Healthy marriage, healthy children, healthy relationships with God and everyone in my family. What keys did I use to make an actionable plan to achieve this?

I practiced self-love. No, really. I practiced self-love. See, there’s more to self-love than just loving yourself. There’s self-awareness, accountability, respect, pleasure, and SO much more. By incorporating all of these things, I was able to get to know myself, hold myself accountable, show myself respect through boundaries, make sure I take the time to rest and have fun… and so on. How content will you be with life if you don’t know who you are and how you want to live it? Sure, practicing self-love isn’t the answer to every problem BUT the stronger your sense of self the less susceptible you are to BS that doesn’t benefit you, your purpose, and the life you want to live.

99.99999% of the time, the self-love or relationship materials I create are things that I need in that moment. I’m not the type of content creator that produces ONLY what my audience requests mainly because I believe authenticity attracts authenticity and there are people struggling with the exact same things I am. When I randomly had the idea to do “Bloom: The 12 layers of self-love journal” it was because I needed it, and you know what? A lot of other women needed it too.

Do you?

The journal covers:

Self awareness
Self acceptance
Emotional intelligence
Self care
Self accountability
Self compassion
Self trust
Self esteem
Self empowerment
Self respect
Self pleasure
Self expression

The journal includes daily rituals, affirmations, meditation, activities and journaling prompts. 

You can preorder the journal here for a discount. There’s also a bundle package that will allow you to sign up for the Masterclass I’m having at the end of the month. During the class, I will go into great detail about each layer. At the end of the class, and this is what I’m most excited about, I will be offering one on one coaching. During these calls, we’ll talk about your needs and how you can strengthen whatever layer you’re struggling with. Since I’m working on being consistent with my self-care, I will only do one on one coaching one day out of the week. The women that attend the masterclass will have first dibs on my calendar. Eeeeee I’m so excited!!!!

Okay, I’m done now. This post ended up being way longer than I intended but I had to get this out. Take care of yourself, beloved.

Until next time,

Love, B.

 

Self-Love Sunday – Self-Awareness

In honor of today being Self-Love Sunday, I’m going to share with you a small snippet from “You: Your Guide to Self-Awareness.” It’s the first book in my subscription box. The box is a 12 month subscription that comes with 3 different books, workbooks, or journals a month. Each book will be about divine love, self-love, and relational love. I chose to do 12 boxes because there are, in my opinion, 12 layers of self-love, so each self-love book will revolve around a different layer.

The first layer is self-awareness, and that is what the first self-love book in the subscription box covers. If you haven’t subscribed yet, you have until August 31st to sign up in time enough to receive the August box. For those that miss out on it, I will make them available on my website in September, but there will be a $15 price increase.

After the snippet, I will post four questions that will help you gain a deeper sense of self-awareness. If you’re comfortable enough to do so, feel free to share your answers as a comment on this blog post.

Self-awareness is knowledge of your character, feelings, motives, values, and desires. It’s a deep understanding of who you are and who you aren’t. What you want and don’t want. Need and don’t need. It’s commitment to your truth as an individual. Basically, self-awareness is knowledge of self.

Self-awareness is what makes you aware of your desires, morals, and boundaries to make sure that you NEVER settle for less than you deserve.  It’s how you get to know the core of who you are – your heart and soul – in a way that allows you to share and guard both from others when you desire.

One of the main reasons self-awareness is so important is because it gives you control over your life. Knowing yourself is what equips you to live the life you were created to live.

If you don’t know who you truly are, you won’t know what you have to offer to the world and your partner. I believe we all have gifts, talents, passions, and purposes.

How are you going to experience a fulfilled life if you aren’t aware of what you were created to do and be?

Self-awareness also keeps you from living for others and trends. It keeps you from allowing others to determine your identity, worth, and value.

In order for us to have genuine relationships and connections with people, we have to practice intimacy. Seeing into each other’s hearts, minds, souls, and emotions. If you don’t know who you are on the inside, it will show up on the outside… and in your relationships. A lack of self-awareness can keep you from deep, meaningful connections.

The four questions:

  1. What can you not go a day without doing/thinking about?
  2. What three things do you value/prioritize most?
  3. If you died today, would you be content with the life/example/legacy you left behind? If so, why? If not, why not, and what needs to be done to change it?
  4. What are you really, really good at? How are you sharing that with the world?

 

Catch you here next weekend, and if you’re interested in my love/relationship tools they are available at http://www.theloveteacher.net

Are you connected to your love source?

Hi, my name is B. Love, and I am a recovering undercover over lover. If you’ve never heard Erykah Badu’s “Out my mind, just in time,” here’s the link to listen to it on YouTube. Basically, the message is about being a fool for a man and doing whatever for him. It’s about recovering from love.

When I first heard the song, I would play it on repeat, feeling peace in knowing that I wasn’t alone. Feeling peace in knowing that I wasn’t the only woman who’d done everything for a love that was unable to be sustained. Feeling peace in knowing that I wasn’t the only woman who wasn’t being satisfied by love.

Now that I’ve gotten over that hump of being so desperate for love that I would settle for crumbs from a man’s table instead of waiting for the love feast that I deserve, I’m able to see clearly what my problem had always been.

It’s never been wanting love that’s been the problem. Wanting to be in a loving relationship is never a problem. My problem has been seeking love/happiness/peace/validation/fulfillment and insert here ____ whatever else we seek on a daily basis to feel okay with ourselves from the wrong sources. We ALL have needs and holes in our hearts. There’s a hole for the love of our parents, our children, our families, our friends, our spouses, our passions, our purpose, ourselves, our God… do you get the point?

The holes are normal. Okay. Capable of being filled. But, sometimes, we don’t know what hole needs to be filled, so we go to the wrong source trying to be satisfied. Anytime you go to the wrong source, your hole may be temporarily covered, but it will NOT be filled. It’s like… trying to fit a square into a circle, babe. Just won’t fit.

Let me give you an example: If I need more self-love but I try to be loved by a man, I will not be filled. Not in the capacity that I need. It will not matter how well he loves me; I will not be satisfied. He’ll feel like a failure more than likely, and I will probably resent him.

If I need to feel fulfilled within my purpose, but I devote my time to my job, I will eventually grow tired of my job. It will cause me to feel empty and as if it is no longer enough – when it was never an issue to begin with.

You catching my drift?

This is also why it may be hard for us to understand why people make things a priority in the way they do. Or why they value things more than we do. It’s all a matter of that need, what level of priority it is for them in that moment, and how full or empty we are.

I’m in the process of teaching anyone who will listen about self-love. A part of teaching about self-love is teaching about the layers of self-love. The foundation and first layer of self-love is self-awareness. Tomorrow, I will do a blog post on it. In the meantime, why don’t you get to know yourself a little by seeing if you’re connected to your love sources. Are you aware of your needs, and if you are, are you properly getting your fill?

If you’re interested in learning about the layers of self-love, I have a journal coming out next month that briefly covers all 12. It gives activities, affirmations, and a few other goodies. Here’s the link to check it out.

If you want to go even deeper, I’m doing a subscription box that will have three different books in it a month. One book will be on divine love, self-love, and relational love. All of the self-love books will revolve around a different layer of self-love. Here’s the link to check it out.

Will you meet me back here tomorrow?

Love, B.

 

Self-Love Sunday – On accountability.

“My lack of success is self imposed.” – Roman J. Esquire 

It took me quite a while to watch Roman J. Esquire, mainly because I hadn’t been hearing the best things about the movie. When I finally did watch it, maybe about a week ago, I learned why. It was the kind of thing that you wanted to really like, enjoy, and root for, but there were parts about the delivery and writing that really missed the mark. Like, how a man who was already so disconnected and lonely had to have an even worse fate after giving so much of himself to others.

Let me not spoil the movie for those of you who haven’t seen it. Simply put, there were a lot of quotable parts of the movie even though I would have changed A LOT about it if I was the writer and director. There were two quotes that stuck out to me most. The first, “My lack of success is self imposed,” and the second, “I’m tired of doing the impossible for the ungrateful.” Both of those quotes sparked a change in my mentality.

The second quote made me realize just how important it is to practice self-care and preserve my health – including my mental health. Even when that means making less money because I’m writing less. Not to say my readers are ungrateful. No. Not at all. But to say… I must always keep in my mind my priorities. As much as I love giving my readers novels that entertain and inspire, I must live and rest and operate in my reality instead of completely becoming consumed in fiction worlds day in and day out.

The first quote held me more accountable of my life and my place in life than I have been for a while. That’s not to say that I’ve played the victim and expected others to hand me success and make my life better. I have, however, lost a bit of my spark and hustle. There was a time where I’d do everything in my power to elevate certain parts of my career and life to the next level. Lately, I’ve been finding solace in my comfort. The contentment I’ve been feeling has left me, and the discontentment of wanting more has made me uncomfortable, and as always, discomfort causes me to MOVE. Like nothing else can.

I’ve been struggling a lot with writing lately, and I’ve been transparent about that – mainly because I know I’m not alone and I wanted others to know they weren’t alone either. But, what I hadn’t been sharing were details like breaking into tears as I talked to my fiancé because I wanted nothing but the best for my characters and books or the fact that I was considering quitting altogether and returning to a normal 9 to 5 while I got my nonfiction hustle and classes off the ground. A day or two ago, I was sitting in bed, because not feeling connected to writing honestly drains me, and I remembered – I am in complete control of my life and my career.

My lack of success is self-imposed. 

I have to hold myself accountable and responsible for where I am and what I have… or what I don’t have. In this case, I don’t have contentment and freedom.

I was reminded that, any time I lack success it is because it is self-imposed. That I give no one but God power to effect my life, and he wants to see me win.

So, instead of going with the flow like a dead fish, I decided to research a few things and level up. To get out of my comfort zone and try new things to reach new levels. In my search of a new way to make writing my truest passion again, I realized a lot of my problem had to do with my mentality and the way it caused me to work, which in turn effected the way I live. 

Reading “Rich Dad’s Cashflow Quadrant” by Robert Kiyosaki can be life changing if acted upon. For me, it reminded me of the power of knowledge, personal growth and development, and self-awareness. Basically, my boy Rob read me clear as day without knowing me. In the book, he lists four different types of people, and the mentalities those four people have. To not give away all of the book, I’m a classic self-employed type.

A perfectionist. One who likes to do everything on own her because she has difficulty trusting others to do things correctly. One who likes to do all the work to have all the credit, money, and responsibility. Now, although you can make a LOT of money being self-employed, you also lose a LOT of time. What good is having money if you don’t have the time to truly enjoy it? That’s what I’ve been struggling with for I don’t know how long. Wanting true wealth instead of riches. Wanting both financial freedom and time. 

I didn’t realize it, but I started to resent writing because, even though it pays well, it takes up so much of my time. I started to feel confined every time I sat down to write. No writing, no money. Writing = no time. No time = no freedom to live. No living = drained, depressed, and detached. I was in a rut, y’all. Period.

Anyway, the solution was simple but not easy. The solution was to switch from a full time self employed writer to a business owner who writes just for passion and hobby like I used to. The problem with the solution was the change in mentality that would be required. The control I would have to give up in order to trust others to help get things done for my business. Just the thought of having to trust others with my brand is enough to have me going into a cyber panic attack but I’m going to hold it in, lol.

So, you may be wondering… what does any of this have to do with self-love?

Well, there are so many layers to self-love. There’s more to it than affirmations, mediations, and pampering. There’s more to it than love itself. As with our relationships with others, love isn’t everything. Love is simply a layer to the cake of wholeness. Other things matter too. Like self-awareness, self-accountability, self-care, and self-honesty.

Who cares if I’ve been trying to show myself love if I’m not taking care of my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health? What’s love got to do with it, if I don’t truly know myself? Why would it matter if I tell me that I love myself if I’m not being truly honest with myself? You get the picture 🙂

My discontentment and discomfort caused me to become more accountable and honest with myself. It caused me to become more mindful of my mental health and the outside situations that I allow to disrupt me internally. Listen, living my dream is amazing, but not if it tortures my reality.

The solution for me is to shift from full time writer to full time publisher, teacher, and love and relationship titan. Will I miss writing 8-12 hours a day and publishing 1-2 books a month? Maybe some day. And when/if I do, I’ll have the financial freedom and time to do it by CHOICE not by FORCE.

So yea. That’s my story and lesson for the day.

People who love themselves also care for themselves and hold themselves accountable. 

Is it easy? Hell no. Is it worth it? Just as much as my life and peace.

– Love, B.

P.S. Did you check out my latest podcast? Some of the topics are standards in relationships, waiting for love, and maintaining happiness. Click here to check it out.

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Humble.

Every once in a while, I run across something on social media that reminds me of why I still am active on it. Outside of my business, there is absolutely no reason for me to be on social media consistently. Especially Facebook. Most of my timeline is filled with drama and mess that drains me to no end.

Twitter is pretty cool because I get to talk like no one is listening, because, well, most times they aren’t, lol. I think IG is my current fave, though, even though I’m hardly on it. Mainly because it’s where people talk the LEAST.

Anyway, I was on IG and one of the people I follow (Ajna) posted something that struck me. It didn’t really hit me the day I saw it. Guess it had to marinate within my heart and mind for a while. It’s no secret that she openly admits to not being a nice person. Instead, she opts for being kind. I can agree with that. I’m not nice. I’m not friendly. I have a big heart, though, and I serve selflessly.

A couple of days ago she posted the definition of humble and in her caption explained why she was grounded instead of humble. Now I didn’t bother to read the caption because I was so blown away by the actual definition of humble. Still, it didn’t really stick with me then. Mainly because when I think about humble, I think about the Bible and how it says that we are to be humble.

Modest.

Yea.

That’s what I think of when I think about the word humble. I think about being modest. To be modest means: To be unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one’s abilities or achievements. So basically, the Bible is saying to have a moderate estimate/thought of yourself so God can lift you up. It tells us to think lowly of ourselves, and find our confidence in God, so he can exalt us.

Okay. Cool.

Stay with me here.

Here’s the definition of humble: having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance. Lower in dignity or importance.

And here are a few more: Not proud or arrogant. Submissive.

Here’s my problem: I have a hard time reaching my full potential while trying to be humble. It’s hard to promote my craft while trying to be humble. How am I supposed to confidently give my books or my self-love academy the marketing and promotion they deserve if I have a low self-esteem and feel as if everyone else dropping books or talking about self-love is better than me??? It has been hard to detach the first definition of humble from the second.

Do I want to not boast or be cocky and too proud? Most definitely! Do I want to be confident and know just how amazing I am? Absolutely! So how do I do both without losing my mind?

The key? Being grounded.

Here’s the definition of being grounded: well balanced and sensible. mentally and emotionally stable. admirably sensible, realistic, and unpretentious. remains grounded despite all the praise and attention. READ THAT LAST PART AGAIN.

Remains grounded despite all the praise and attention. Grounded = being humble. Not proud or arrogant.

If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you should know that I’ve struggled with this balance of humbleness and confidence for a while. Finally, I feel as if I have the proper foundation to properly promote my brand and reach the next level.

The focus shouldn’t be on being humble. No. If my book is the best I have to have the confidence to say that! If I don’t believe in my work… who will?? The focus must be on remaining grounded. Stable. Balanced. Realistic. Which will lead to humbleness. And by humbleness I mean lacking in pride or arrogance.

So I challenge you to check your attitude. Are you being humble or lacking self-esteem? We shouldn’t have to NOT reach our full potential, not give our all, not be confident, or not do our best for the sake of being humble. I choose instead to be the best version of myself, make a whole lot of money, and be happy while I do so because if I’m confident about anything… it’s that God didn’t create me to live a life of mediocrity, and I’m pretty sure that he didn’t intend for that to be the case with you either.

Live your best life. Unapologetically.

– B.